Re: Love or Lust
Submitted by Ben on March 21 1999 at 18:43:00
In reply to Love or Lust Submitted by Joe on March 19 1999 at 10:38:41
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Dear Joe - Thanks for stopping buy and for sharing your thoughts, many of which I agree with completely. At the risk of sounding defensive, I thought that I would try to clarify what I read as misunderstandings on your part. Certainly, there are no programs in the mainstream world which educate people about pedophiles and pedophilia, so misconceptions are the norm. boylovers' are from 'paedophiles' but I can't quite see it. Surely both groups of people profess to 'love' children yet it seems to me that the main force here is sexual attraction. I could say I love God, Boylovers ARE a type of pedophile. The word pedophile, literally meaning "lover of children" refers to anyone who is sexually attracted to pre-pubescents. However, pedophilia is an orientation, not a statement of lifestyle. Do deny being a pedophile is like denying being black or being from Chile. I am a pedophile no matter how you slice it. However, I do not engage in sexual activity with children. That part is a CHOICE of course. The "main force" is as much sexual attraction as it is the main force in your feelings for women. I think that you can easily fill in the blanks from there. Just remember that these are my FEELINGS, not a statement of my lifestyle, nor a statement of how a boy might react or how "ready" a boy would be if I chose to act out on my orientation (which is hypothetical since I would not). For instance, you can't deny someone's attraction to Cindy Crawford, simply because she is not available...the feelings are the feelings. As for forming relationships with adults, I myself have tons of adult friends who I love and whose company I enjoy immensely. To say that children are easier to form relationships with is actually false for most kids over the age of about 8 (and most boylovers prefer the 9-14 age group). It is because of this inability of most adult to connect to kids that age that kids find themselves without caring, mentoring adults to communicate with. I spent the weekend talking with 12 year old boys about God, a subject that they wouldn't dare broach with their parents...in fact they really wouldn't WANT to. My ability to communicate with boys is a gift and doesn't at all stand in the way of my ability to relate to adults. There may be very few isolated cases where people become pedophiles because they cannot grow past their ability to relate to children. Studies have shown this to be, in most cases, related to men who are attracted to GIRLS, not BOYS (and feel free to look it up if you don't want to take my word for it). So, after clarifying what I felt I wanted to, I have to voice my agreement with you that most 13/14 year olds do not need to be sexual with men. I'm not sure that a little bit of sex play (such as non invasive things like mutual masterbation) are as harmful as society makes them out to be, but chances are good that it will be a long time before studies can be done which are unbiased. For me, abstaining is the safest route to keep kids safe and it keeps me within the law. So many parents trust me with their kids, I refuse to violate that trust for a night of pleasure. Thanks again for posting and feel free to argue some more. We grow when we listen to each other. One last comment: Since your comments seem to be generally towards boylove and not Christianity and boylove, you might want to go over to BOYCHAT which is more geared to this kind of discussion. You can get there from www.ivan.net You are not alone. 
Ben |