Love or Lust
Submitted by Joe on March 19 1999 at 10:38:41
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Forgive my ignorance, but coming from England I have only recently encountered the term 'boylove'. After reading general information regarding this group of people, and hearing what you have to say personally, I have to admit to becoming very confused. I hear adult men stating how far removed 'boylovers' are from 'paedophiles' but I can't quite see it. Surely both groups of people profess to 'love' children yet it seems to me that the main force here is sexual attraction. I could say I love God, but I don't fantasize about god in a sexual way, heaven forbid! I can understand the point of view that some paedophiles are known to force intimacy, and that boylovers are generally against non-consenting sex. However this is where I become extremely concerned. I cannot understand how an adult can expect a boy of say 14 to make an informed decision on such an area. I know how confusing my teenage years were, I didn't know if I was coming or going! School boy crushes were an every day occurance. I cannot believe that any child has the mental maturity to fully understand the consequences of participating in a sexual relationship with anyone. The fact that boy lovers are adults, means that one would expect them to to behave accordingly - childhood is supposed to reflect innocence, not something to be taken advantage of. As for the issue of force, okay so maybe boylovers don't use physical force, but I believe manipulation is just as forceful, I know as a child I would have done anything to get hold of a bright red fire engine which was in a local store - and I mean anything, after all at the tender age of 13 what did I truly know about sex, the physical and emotional side to it. If an 'uncle' had offered to get me it in return for a special friendship, of course I would have agreed - who was I to know right from wrong - he's the supposed responsible adult. As for joining an organization like the boyscouts, well again I don't think I do agree that this is an acceptable course to take. I mean, if I were on a diet, would it be wise for me to sit at a table filled with every type of cake you can imagine - hardly the temptation would be very difficult to resist, If I were a smoker and trying to give up, would it be wise for me to hang out in smokey bars - no! So it hardly makes sense for an adult man who is attracted - sexually to boys to hang out at the local swimming baths. I'm not saying that boylovers don't necessarily assist the youth of today in certain ways, I do think however that they are deluding themselves if they believe that their love for a boy is innocent and platonical, to compare this love to that of father and son is not fair. A father loves his son firstly because he has been created through the loving act of mother and father and is of his own blood. Even more so in this case the child will lay all his trust with his father - surely the effect of that trust being abused is abominable. I've heard arguments that it is society in general that punishes boys who have had intimate relationships with adults, are made to feel dirty and abhorrent etc. I disagree, in my case, yes I did feel disgusted with myself some after a certain incident, but, this was because as I matured, I realised that the man I had trusted and looked up to had taken advantage of me. He was my hero, I trusted him implicitly, only now years later can I relate this to my own family, and I am furious with him for abusing my trust let alone abusing my body, and yes it was abuse, just because I wasn't aware of it at the time doesn't excuse it, for a man to be touching me for sexual gratification without the victim knowing or fully understanding is equally as bas as a man forcing himself upon a boy, the physical and mental pain caused is horrific, and believe me I know. something else I've noticed, most guys I know that are into the younger generation are not only considerably older, but also have failed time and time again at building relationships with other adults. Forgetting physical attraction for a moment, Build ing a relationship with a child is so much easier than with another adult. Children's expectations are so much lower, they are less likely to be verbally agressive or cause arguments, they are easy to please/manipulate. Basically in a child/adult relationship the adult(man) is in control, has the power - power that has usually been lacking in other adult/adult relationships - what does this tell you - it tells me that many people who have failed at adult relationships move onto children because they're easy targets. Okay - this is not always the case - I'm not saying it is. What I am saying is that I can understand someone having difficulty in altering his sexual preference, but that doesn't excuse them from behaving in an appropriate manner - and geez most of you guys know when you're not behaving as you should, and if you dont' it's easy enough to tell, if you're in a situation with a boy and you feel yourself getting excited then you really shouldn't be there! Stopping smoking was one of the hardest things I have done, but I sure a hell don't keep cigarettes in the house anymore |