Re: Bible Study
Submitted by Chadron on March 25 1999 at 14:22:37
In reply to Re: Bible Study Submitted by John Guard on March 23 1999 at 19:49:38
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Dear John Guard: Good job. Really. You have expressed my sentiments to some degree as well. Caring for and being attracted to boys is a tough one for me. But God's grace has been sufficient to allow me to see boys the vast majority of the time as simply young, immature human beings who are filled with quirks, laughter, selfishness, arrogance, playfulness, winsomeness, gracefulness, agility, spontaneity, and beauty. Yep, just kids. I spend a great deal of time trying to be one of the essential adults in their lives called on to hone them, shape them, teach them, admonish them, and care for their fragile egos, and mistaken notions of how mean the other kid is.... The love I show towards them (according to the Greek) is Agape, Philios (brotherly love) and Storge, but I do not show or practice Eros, erotic love. I save that special love for my wife. Yes, I am married, and love her intimately, although I also love boys (according to some people's definition=a boylover). I do feel inwardly Eros, at times, yet I do not believe that God desires that I show or practice that. It is a tension. I have found no relief from that tension, except in the Grace of God for big periods of the day, or for days at a time. The tension and its discomfort returns, if I start to fantansize... I return to God, to His Christ. It remains a mystery to me....I do not believe it helps to condemn myself, for I do not sense condemnation from the Lord. However, I feel God continues to want to use me for His purposes in spite of, and sometimes because of the tension that dwells between my heart and my loins. In Christ, Chadron |