i do
Submitted by someone on April 01 1999 at 23:39:18
In reply to Anyone agree with Triple-Q (from BC)? Submitted by d on March 31 1999 at 12:13:11
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hey d. that is one of the reasons i started coming here, and also the other boards i have been visiting, most of them for longer than i have been here. as triple q said in that thread, loneliness cries out to be filled. i sought out boys to fulfill my loneliness. for several years i succeeded. it was never enough, though, and always i wanted more from the boy. i have hurt children, i have done many things with them that i am very much ashamed of. though years have passed, still i bear the pain inside. many nights i lie awake in bed, with moments from the past and faces i have known flashing through my mind. when i accepted the Lord, just a couple of years ago, things did not immediately change. i continued living as if nothing had changed. then, back in 96, i discovered kasper's original free spirits site on the web. looking back, it was a turning point in my life. that started a chain of events that led years later to my discovering cbf. since then, my relationship with Him has grown, and i have begun to have godly relationships with boys. I have been rewarded with some of the most loving and joyful boys i hve ever known. however, my past cries out to me, and it is difficult to resist, and sometimes i fail. still, i am reassured that my daddy is up in heaven, just waiting to take me into His arms and hold me tight, like i have held so many boys... this board and others have helped me more than i can say. sometimes it is just enough to know that there are others out there struggling just like i do...and to be able to talk with them, even if it is just on a computer screen. as i write this, which i started several hours ago, i struggle and fight with myself to sign my usual nick. i should be faithful enough to do it. the memories of children i have hurt scream louder than ever right now, telling me to be brave and stand up, as i am. but i cannot, and that hurts almost as much.... |