Re: Changing orientation
Submitted by Ben on April 14 1999 at 07:33:02
In reply to Changing orientation Submitted by Mark on April 13 1999 at 23:09:05
|
I agree, Mark. Pedophiles DO need guidance in how to lead their lives in a more happy, productive and fulfilling way. Perhaps one of the attractions to Christianity for me is that I am being taught that WE ALL NEED GOD. People try to "heal" their lives with money, sex, power and whatever earthly distractions are available to us, but we keep trying to fill a void that only can be filled by God. I believe that, or I hope anyway, that by inviting God into my life in a very big way, that I will need less distraction from the difficulties of being a BL. Even last night, I thought to myself that I would really like to have a nice fantasy about one of the twins (the one that I really am falling in love with). Even though my fantasies are very loving and harmless and would never (I've made this verbal committment to God) will result in actual real life manifestation, I thought that I would try, just for a night, to turn to God instead of to that desire. So, instead of masterbating, I read the bible, and asked God to be more important to me, just for that one evening. Baby steps. I remember the techniques when I was in therapy to accomplish the same thing would have included imagining the boy I love, riddles with insects and sores, puss coming out his ears and finally his head exploding. How can I paint such a horrible picture of the boy I love so much? So last night, with God's help, I controlled my actions, and I still kept my love and admiration for him. Before bed, after I said my prayers to God, I imagined giving him a soft kiss on the top of his head and saying good night to him. Among other things, I see Christianity as a positive redirection of my feelings (towards God), not a method of suppressing my love (for boys). Do you think this goal is a realistic one? You are not alone. 
Ben |