wondering about God's plan?
Submitted by tj on April 23 1999 at 15:43:21
In reply to need advice from other Christians Submitted by d on April 22 1999 at 22:42:24
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d, it is clear that your "angst" about your "mission at BC" is sincere. BC is too hysterical a place for any real discourse, so I come here. not an easy thing for me, since I fundamentally feel I "don't" belong here. and hope you duly note my attempt to walk your hallowed halls in much the same way i see posters have done so here before me; civilly, thoughtfully, without bitter agenda or hurtful intent! In that spirit, I anxiously ask you to consider, since your sincerity does seem rather fundamental to me, how it is that you affect the community "unconciously" as a function of the "concious" execution of your "mission". IMHO, the mainstream view of a "threat" of outsiders to BC is almost nil. I alluded to the very methodology you use as an improved version of every "false approach" BC has ever gotten from stated non-bLs. And personal "security" uis a user function, not a system function. each poster ust make their own vhoices for "security" rather than to let the systems they choose to inhabit do it for them. I never felt that you were a threat, in that way. You seem intelligent enough to separate the hysterical replies with original posting intent. Misplacing "d_Tx's" distrust" on security issues elongates the threads but does little to resolve the real "issue". Your "questioned" presence at BC has nothing at all to do with your sexual preference or a lack of it. The original, and legitimate, objection has always been the quesy nervousness you inspire by the mode of your presence, not the fact of it. I can only use the lexicon of research, which I know well, to advice you since research, regardless of sanction or funding, is clearly your main mission. No researcher truly interested in "finding the truth" would ever chance marring their findings by affecting the very behavior they choose to observe through observing. Without emotional attachment, elitist tones, or another diatribe on my suspicion of all things denominational, I ask you to consider that notion long and hard. From your post to which I now reply, it is clear that you are willing to question God's opinion of your "mission". Are you so unwilling to question yourself, in God's physical absence, in the same fashion? Understand that i depart from the FPC and its admins of the "nature" of BC. It was always asupport board in every iteration until the FPC formed. I consider FPC to be an illegitimate offshoot of the original bL charter, and IMHO, the political climate thus enjoined, an open door policy for the purpose of outside scrutiny designed to "impress them over the inherent goodness of bLS". It sounds ludicrous, to refer to the admin and structure that makes BC possible an "offshoot" in a super-set instead of subset realtionship, I know. I truly feel that support and political-agendism are mutually exclusive and the political "aspirations" of a few have transformed the board from a protected family in thier living room to an open forum in the LA coliseum! But BC history is impossible for someone like you, a newbie, to fully grasp since what you have as a source for that history is "not". He is a diligent documenter, but his "BC history" is rife with gaps, poster and content mis-representations, and is borne of the view borne of one not there the whole time and who filled in by skimming wu-kung's long-time archives. Assuming "knowledge" and "familiarity thus found" from merely reading and an occasional support post just is not possible at this stage, for you. The vagaries of time are frustrating. Wanting things to "happen now" despite fair precedent that only time will yield what you seem to want most, acceptance, is where you seem to be stuck. D, you are intelligent. and seem committed. the "tyranny" of the thinkers is reversed in BC. far from being bullies, often the most intelligent, thoughtful, and insightful participants on BC are expected to "suffer the lunacy", hide their pain, and be there as a bL paragon for all to see and use a s an icon for hope. if BC is truly such a minefield for you, if having your "intent" questioned by known longtime paranoics is hard on you, yet you truly seek the real BCrs to "allow you insight into them", wearing those emotions of stress on your sleeve while participating in BC is anathema to your purpose. And far from wanting to hear your "story", i hope you can see that your lack of it and the concommitant "trust" it would engender brands you an outsider in the eys of virtually every bL from the very outset. In the same way PPC laments his BC-past as being too "well formed" now to change things today (a true asessment, IMHO), I think you should consider that you are in the exact same straits. One's persona is cumulative on the net. People do remember. Social conventions in place long before the net was born die hard today despite the net's influence and power to contact. far from being a flamer, a reactionary, or a merely an embittered and messed up bL, I am among the most open and capable thinkers on BC (again, IMHO). And have been for quite some time. My penchant for posting "thought provokers" and "introspection" came at the price of long-time lurking, learning, and a slow deliverate move into BC posting from BW posting. I merely have learned to wield the strength to confront "those who cannot explain their presence" that many bls have studiously avoided in a life led shamefully. The "typical bL" and I part company there for good, apparently. I understand and feel that same shameful pain. But have learned how to get the "world" to direct their own arguments unto themselves as a way to see my own straits as common to all humans on this earth. Compassion has many forms, d. I urge you to use your relationship with God, not what you think or hope is his plan for you, to see into the hearts you so desperately want to know. Remember job's sin? God is not, apparently, soft on those who are not true to both him and themselves at the same time! lvoe, tj |