Boylove in the Bible
Submitted by Didaskalos on October 17 1999 at 17:56:50
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Hi Everybody, I am in a ripe old shitty mood....just spent the weekend at a Men's Retreat with my church...same old farty windbags going on about the same exact crap as they always do. Could never get a word in edgewise. The message was about giving up whatever it is that is keeping you from Christ. "You think it makes you feel alive, but it's killing you" I thought of Boylove and Boychat and I wanted to give them up for Christ. I went up to the altar, and knelt down and prayed. I wanted to open my closed fists to accept whatever God had decided to offer me. I wanted God to touch me, change me, make me feel acceptable again, instead of feeling like there was a filthy childabuser monster inside me, just on account of me being abused as a kid. And I felt nothing. Everybody just kept on going right along with the same jabber as they always do, about just trust Jesus, just trust Jesus. Trouble is, when you've been abused by a minster's son, you feel like someone is setting you up to fuck you over when you trust them. I was thinking I should ask for an apology from the church people, but I didn't have the courage. I'm just not enough of a real person to do that yet. I'm not even angry about what happened; I don't have the energy in me to change things. The minister's son told me I was bad and selfish, and here I am, being bad and selfish. How can I dispute what he said? After lunch, everybody went into their hearty, back-slapping, Had a great time, didn't you? mode. I looked down. As I was leaving, I said to one of the old blustery blow-hards: I hate this fucking church. I hate this fucking religion. I hate these fucking retreats. I am going to spend the afternoon on the internet talking to my friends, who are fellow pedophiles like me, and who laugh at my jokes! I wasn't mad, I was just stating the plain truth. I am never going to give up praying to Jesus, because I spend so much time crying and praying by myself that I will always need an imaginary friend. It's just the Presbyterian religion that hurt me and that I can not stand. I am going to write an e-mail to the dad of the kid that messed with me. He is a preacher, and I want him to know what the effects of the message he has been dishing out have been. Hurting both his son and me. My relationship to the Bible has gotten stronger through the ugly business of trying to be honest with my church: (Just read an excellent book about recovering from childhood sexual abuse: it says, be aware that pursuing the truth will lead to battles between Christians and Christians.) Here is a most excellent bible passage on boylove at its finest: 2 Kings 4:8-37 Elisha raises the Shunamite's son: Specifically, vv32-4: When Elisha came into the house, there was the child, lying dead on his bed. He went in therefore, shut the door behind the two of them, and prayed to the Lord. And he went up and layed on the child, and put his mouth on his mouth, his eyes on his eyes, and his hands on his hands; and he stetched himself out on the child, and the flesh of the child became warm. He returned and walked back and forth in the house, and again went up and stetched himself on him; then the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. Well now; that seems Godly enough! I can't wait to plan out the Sunday School lesson where we bring Bible truths HOME to the kids! (One is reminded of Alan Ginsburg, who, when found in a similar situation with a boy in the back of a van, when a policeman asked him what he was doing, responded, "Officer, this boy is having a seizure, and I am trying to hold him down!" Apparently he got away with it too! I missed seeing Alan Ginsburg's last show in my town here because I was attending a church dinner function. The Elderly couple I asked from the church didn't like the food I made, and the program folded soon after.) Love, Didaskalos who burns with unhappiness and canno t let go of it; who has a great big idol of PROTECTING LITTLE BOYS (like Himself) from harm,, standing between himself and Christ, but doesn't know how to get rid of it. And I asked the Men's Group NICELY three weeks ago to give me respect as a man and LISTEN to me! And they did for one week. Then the next two weeks they were back to normal again, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise for their continual storm of bullshit! Love Didaskalos, burning in a storm of imaginary hatred himself! |