desire for intimacy
Submitted by F.O.D. on November 15 1999 at 00:11:18
In reply to Ok, I have a question. ;O) Submitted by Faith Elliston on November 13 1999 at 11:16:59
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Chasing the comments already made below, I was reading a Christian book on how to be a good man husband dad the other year. It was mainly about husband-wife relations, but there were some chapters on the kids. It said that maybe as you're bringing up a kid, you might find from time to time when they're sitting on your lap or whatever, you might find you get a physical reaction. The book said not to be scared of this, but to recognise it for what it is - the need and desire for intimacy, and to direct that need towards its proper place, towards your wife. So I guess there can be a "sensual" component to parental love. It's not exactly the kind of thing most people will want to talk about, so it's difficult for us to say just how often this kind of thing happens among "straight" parents, but if the book mentioned it, then I guess it's "normal" enough. To get back to your original question, then, sometimes it seems there might some connection to "parental love". Probably not in all cases though. I guess it can be hard to draw the line. You fall in love with a boy, you want to do the best for him, which, at his vulnerable age, might mean you have to become like a parent for him, because that's the best way of enriching his life. I can only speak for myself, ultimately. When I've started getting close to my YFs, started doing things with them, I try to find a context to understand my love for them. And as "big brother" or "pseudo-dad" seems to describe our relationship well enough. But then again, maybe it's not such a helpful label. Maybe I only think about it in those terms because I'm "not allowed" to just be a boy's best friend. I don't know. Maybe I only talk myself into thinking about it in "dad" terms. Fod ps I'm sure Scott will turn up again soon enough. |