A few answers
Submitted by Mark on November 20 1999 at 14:10:41
In reply to Send me your Views Submitted by Jay on November 19 1999 at 21:04:48
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Dear Jay, You sure ask a lot of questions! I'll just answer a few of them, as I see things. First, about terminology. Originally, I assumed gay means homosexual. Since I'm attracted to boys (exclusively, and generally between 12 and 16), I assumed I was gay. But since I came to the BL boards, I learned that most people use gay to mean attracted to adults of the same sex (unless you are a boy yourself). So now I don't call myself gay. I know I'm not attracted to men at all. I use the term "pedophilia" to refer to an orientation: a pedophile is someone who is emotionally and sexually oriented toward prepubescent children (generally under 12). I was told by a sexologist in email that I am an "ephebophile", which means oriented toward younger teens. In this usage, both pedophilia and ephebophilia refer to orientation (feelings of attraction), not to actions. I suppose a male homosexual pedophilie/ephebophile could be either a child molestor or a boy lover, depending on how he expresses his orientation. For pedos/ephebos who can control themselves (I believe most can, just like most straight people can), I favor loving relationships with boys. I have only recently accepted my orientation, and have never had a special relationship, but I do hope to have one. It's clear that it's wrong to coerce, pressure, or lead someone into sex when they don't want it, aren't ready for it, or don't know what's happening. That's what a child molestor does. I realize that some gay men, when they were boys, wanted and had sexual relationships with men, and still consider them to have been good, so I cannot call all man-boy sex abuse, or condemn all men who have sex with boys as child-molestors. But I do believe it is extremely risky for the boy and the man for many reasons, and so think it is a bad idea. I know many examples of wondeful BL relationships that never became sexual, so I know it is possible, and I would say desirable. Certainly there's so much that would be incredibly satisfying in a non-sexual relationship with a boy. To me, a BLer wants the emotional bond. Mark |