Re: Should I tell?
Submitted by Ben on November 26 1999 at 21:42:26
In reply to Should I tell? Submitted by Tedd on November 26 1999 at 09:03:01
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Tedd - I have been in your shoes a number of times, particularly as a coach of youth sports and one who works with kids, but who never seems to have a 'girlfriend'. I have, at times, danced around my love for working with kids and done as much as I could to NOT talk about that interest, hoping that the person that I was talking with would not think that I liked kids "TOO" much. As time has gone on, I have changed this strategy quite a bit. One of the things that I have learned is that someone who is truly gifted in their work with children, is often given the benefit of the doubt by onlookers. I have seen many coaches who just SEEMED suspect, to any observing eye because of their 'oddness' around adults. But those same men, in the presence of children would work magic, and most people just accepted the fact that "yeah, he's a little weird, but he is harmless". I have learned the people view me this way (hopefully not with the 'weird' part) but that they overlook my lifestyle because I do a great job with their kid. The other thing that I have learned is that people do not usually accuse people in their minds of being child molesters. A psychologist is far more likely to label you as a 'closet gay' if he thinks that you are not straight, than to presume that you must be a pedophile. And even if your love for children seems heightened, he still would need to feel some evidence that you really are a predator to pursue it. Psychologists are NOT in the business of figuring out who you are and then pointing the finger at you. They are also bound by laws of disclosure to NOT report you unless they believe that you have hurt a child, or are at risk to do so in the future. Professing your love for children just wont do that. Finally, a word of warning: Don't think that a psychologist can 'help you' become something that you are not. I truly believe that only God can change our orientation, and only if he wants to. Psychologists turn pedophiles into statistics only. Take it from one who has been there. Yes, they CAN help with other problems and some side effects (like depression), but leave the big stuff to the Big Guy. You are not alone. Ben |