Should I tell?
Submitted by Tedd on November 26 1999 at 09:03:01
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Hi all, It has been a long time since I have been to this board. Not because of anything that has happened to me, but rather just being lazy I guess. Anyway, the reason I am here today is to ask a question. I have an appointment with a phycologist this month to get my ADHD back under control. I have neglected it since I got out of the Army. I am sure that he will ask me other things about myself, including possibly my feelings towards children. It seems I can never resist the temptation to let everyone know I love to work with kids and I am more comfortable around them than I am around adults. In the past I have succesfully denied the questions that come from "Shrinks" on this subject. For example, when I say I love kids, they usually ask questions which I am sure are intended to tell them what my definition of "Love" is towards children. Each time I am able to detect what they are after and succesfully deny it and insure them that it is purley a fatherly love and no more. Each time I do convince them, I feel the whole in my heart become that much larger, knowing that I do, in fact, have other feelings at times. I am so scard of what would happen if someone found out, scared I would loose the contact with kids that I work with and take care of. That, more than anything scares the hell out of me. To not be able to work with or have contact with the kids I have come to love (Non-Sexually) would kill me. I have come to a point in my life that I need to tell someone. I have thought about going to a priest, and rely on his oath that he will not say anything. However, I am not catholic, or even very religous. Should I tell the phycologist? Should I admit that although I have never or will ever have any sexual contact with boys, I do have the feelings at times. Does thier regulations say that if they believe a child is in any danger, that they have to report it to the authorities? I am so confused, scared, lonley, filled with love for the kids I know and hatred for my feelings that society says I should not have. If I am denied the ability to hold a child, smell his hair, know that he trusts me with his life if needed, then I would not be able to continue in this life. If there is a God, then he has put me on this Earth to help children, care for them and love them. It is my only reason here, if I loose that, I loose myself. Thanks for listning to a long winded fool who is so confused he has to turn to the internet for help. Tedd |