Re: Tell us more
Submitted by Steve on February 09 2000 at 22:03:35
In reply to Tell us more Submitted by Forgiven on February 09 2000 at 19:16:28
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Well, You asked:- I chose to tell my parents and pastors when I was about 21 after University. They were in a 'God can change you' ,'Don't give in ' sort of mentality. Did the whole counselling thing. Looking at Self-confidence, habitual behaviour, gratification, sexual addiction & Lust control etc. The weird thing is that we've not spoken about such things since and also my pastor is always trying to hug me! I've read the books, Leanne Payne, Konrad, Dallas etc Also been through the old 'sin / repent / sin / repent' cycle a few times. Also been through the 'On fire for God / hating all things Christian' cycle as well. I tend to look at my life like a sine-wave, but one thats squashed together with a high amplitude but it's got a low wavelength. Meaning I'm either Hot or Cold not inbetween ( which is good - in a way). I also hope to get hotter and stay hot longer as I'm now finding there are some righteous uses of the internet aswell! At the present moment though life is pretty good. I'm in a church I love. I'm not involved in Youthwork ( I was when I was younger / and I think for the wrong reasons, probably the same reasons I wanted to become a teacher) but I am held accountable by the pastors and aside from some painful yearnings for some of the boys I get no trouble. Obviously the congregation don't know, but more and more friends know I'm Gay but I let them see my heart for God first, as this is the same order I see it. I've always hated the Gay label and hate it at work when they think thats all there is to me. They wonder why I'm so sexually frustrated and also why I don't do anything about it. They don't understand that even though I can admit to who I am, I choose not to live that way. I do struggle to put God first and of course I fail sometimes but the toughest decisions we make are the ones that hurt. The ones that say EVEN though I feel this way Gods word says this and so thats it; end of story. Thanks for the welcomes and I have got a lot from the postings over the past few weeks. It's great (in a way) knowing that others are going through the same, cos I always felt no-one quite understood. It's also quite therapeutic to get things off your chest. There's only so much a friend can take about the boy from church, the cute guy at work or the fit lad at football with a bum to die for. Have great days tomorrow. God Bless Steve |