hi!
Submitted by F.O.D. on March 01 2000 at 01:34:45
In reply to I need your support -sorry for the long story- Submitted by TJ on February 28 2000 at 15:12:36
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Hello tj, nice to make your acquaintance. That's good the way you've been able to turn your love towards boys into a positive thing where you can serve them and be a friend for them. May God be with you as you seek to serve he and they honourably. About your teenage friend, it sounded to me like you'll want to talk about what happened with him some more. You said he was a boylover and you were a "loved boy" to him, but I'd like to kindly ask you to think about that. I fear you may be misrepresenting him, and in your strong negative reaction towards him you may be doing him an injustice. I don't mean that you should have accepted his advances, no, I'll try to explain what I mean. He was only three years older than you, and by high school you're already getting into your late teens, you're practically men. My guess is he basically saw you as an equal, that he was falling in love with you as one does with an equal. Now as boylovers we do tend to perceive our young friends as peers and equals, nevertheless I think it is usually fair to say we can distinguish between our peer the boy, and our peer the man (that the boy turns into). When I was 15 I was in love with a classmate and made a pass at him, which he did reject (and he's married now. I'm not sure it's truly reasonable to say you can "catch" homosexuality or paedophilia). Certainly I didn't think of him as a "boy" - he was older than me! (by a few months). But I had a crush on him that I barely understood myself, I wanted to hold him all the time, I'd lean in towards him while we walked together down the street (which annoyed him no end). In short the feelings I had towards him were just ones of being gay, and the way you described your friend, it seems that it was just like that for him. He's gay. My apologies if I've misunderstood your relationship with him. It looks like he was just in love with you and was trying to deal with it. My guess is he was just as confused about it as you were, just as confused as I was with my friend. And he likely feels as hurt as you do about the way you tore yourself away from him. I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty, but to help you understand his point of view. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't go thinking that boy was the Devil come to rip your soul out. He was just a boy who fell in love with another boy. Forgive him for the pass he made on you, and extend to him the hand of friendship, if only metaphorically (I gather you don't see him anymore). Have you ever thought of going and visiting him and asking him about what happened? Doesn't mean you have to become his boyfriend or even his friend in a long-term sense, but sometimes I get the impression peace in one's heart can be found by making peace with those whose relationships have become sundered. Peace of Chris to you, F.O.D. |