I need your support -sorry for the long story-
Submitted by TJ on February 28 2000 at 15:12:36
|
Hi, (first off forgive my spelling) I will try to tell you a bit about me, so that you can get an idea of where i'm comming from. During my freshman year in High School I developed a freindship with a senior boy. This was purely a regular ferindship. I thought he just wanted to be my buddy, and being a freshman, having a senior for a best freind was a real cool thing. What I did not know at the time, is that he was a Boy Lover. As time went on I grew very attached to him, he made me feel like I was cool... even when all the other kids would make fun of me. We did lots of stuff together, then it started to happen. He would touch me, not alot at first; just as little so I wouldn't get scared. Eventually I noticed that what he was doing was other than innocent. But I didn't want to loose his freindship, so I let him. About a month later he made a big pass at me, this was the breaking point... he had confused the hell out of me. I was raised a christian boy, I knew all these things were wrong, I was all messed up inside. I told him that I didn't want to be freinds any more. I am still bothered by this even now as I am typing. I don't know why, but after that Satan had found that door that I had opened. I too had began looking at boys the same way. When I would think back on what had happened to me, I sure as hell didn't want to do that to someone, but I couldn't stop my feelings. I never let anyone know how I felt. I never let my feelings out in the open. To everyone else I looked normal. But inside I wasn't, I didn't know who to turn to so I just kept it all inside. I graduated about a year ago, that summer our youth group (which I had been going to frequently for abut 2 years) was going on a retreat. There I found out who I could talk to... GOD. I asked god to take away these temptations and impure thoughts. I wanted more then anything to be normal. Ever since then it has been getting easier and easier to resist thoes thoughts. God also revealed to me that I had something in me that loved boys, but I was interperting it wrong. I had since then acheived a position as a councelor for our Jr.High Youth Group. This has been the best place to focus my love. I have (with the help of God)turned that love into a Godly love. I help teach these kids about Jesus; tell them that they have a place where they are important; and that they can do anything with the help of Jesus. But its not all down hill, I still get these thoughts... I think with the support of you all,I can get over this. I would appreicate you'r prayers, and advice. Hopefully one day I can find someone who I can talk to about my past and present that will understand and help me. ~ TJ |