Hopefully helpful theory of human sexuality
Submitted by Ray on March 01 2000 at 08:36:43
In reply to I need your support -sorry for the long story- Submitted by TJ on February 28 2000 at 15:12:36
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TJ, I was raised a christian boy, I knew all these things were wrong, I was all messed up inside. I told him that I didn't want to be freinds any more. I am still bothered by this even now as I am typing. I don't know why, but after that Satan had found that door that I had opened. I too had began looking at boys the same way. When I would think back on what had happened to me, I sure as hell didn't want to do that to someone, but I couldn't stop my feelings. First off, and I may sound rather bold in saying this, but I said the same thing to F.O.D. a year ago, and he still has trouble taking me up on it! Hi, F.O.D.! :-) Forget your upbringing as a Christian boy as to what is right and wrong in these things! Maybe the open door is God at work, not Satan! Instead of looking at what was happening as wrong, look at it as what is, for understanding -- of yourself, the boy who befriended you, of life, of God! But don't apply that forgetting to the feeling that you were all messed up inside. That's more of the picture of what is. It's just that I think the mess is just as much a part of the "Christian" upbringing as it is a result of what had happened to you. Your understanding of what was happening (that it was morally wrong) hindered rather than helped resolve the situation. I think this is your first post on this board, so all this may be a little hard to swallow. (How's that for under exageration!) But I wanted to present some theory here that I think is helpful to your situation and to many others who find themselves on either side of a similar mess. I'm thinking too of Scott, several threads down the board, as he sorts through what's been happening in his life. Just a bit of background on me to let you know where I'm coming from. I'm 56. 35 years ago I started teaching a jr hi Sunday School class, was leader of a youth group for a while, got a B.S. degree in elementary ed, was counselor at a church camp, chaplain at a boy scout camp and have a Master of Divinity Degree from a Lutheran Seminary and a YF who's 25 years younger than I, whom I met 20 years ago, who 11 years ago said he didn't want to be friends anymore. And we've talked, but I think both of us are still seeking a lot more understanding of what happened between us. I could say more but this already will be really long because I didn't get to the theory yet. The theory part I'm talking about is from Daniel Helminiak's book, _The Human Core of Spirituality: Mind as Psyche and Spirit_. It is a theory for a science of human behavior. Emotions, memory and imagery are relegated to psyche. Most of the wording which follows is from the book. The important part is the functioning of human spirit or consciousness. There is a four-level structure which is normative in explaining how humans determine what is true, good and right -- Even those who say they got it from God or the Bible! Openended unfolding of the human spirit requires deliberate respect for its functioning on each level: attention, intelligence, reasonableness, and responsibility. Together these define human authenticity and permit ongoing growth. level 1 acts of seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, tasting, and imagining on an empirical level constitute experience and provide data, something to be understood. (What is! Use it as a base for evaluating what ought to be, not what you were taught ought to be. Christian growth requires questioning everything -- consider Jesus' radical righteousness!) experience -----> data <----- (requirement for authenticity) Be attentive level 2 Acts of inquiring, understanding, conceiving, and formulating on an intellectual level concern intelligibility and result in ideas, concepts, hypotheses about the data. (What is it?) understanding -----> ideas <----- Be intelligent level 3 Acts of reflecting, marshalling and weighing the evidence, and judging on a rational level concern reality, being, truth, and result in knowledge, facts, i.e., ideas verified in the data. (Is it Right, True, Good?) judgment ---------> facts <------- Be reasonable level 4 Acts of deliberating, evaluating, deciding, and acting on a responsible level concern the good and express values, lived responses to experience and knowledge. (What ought I do?) decision ----------> values <------ Be responsible I think this is a good model to use for BLers in talking about their own behavior. BLers themselves need to pay attention to all levels over a period of time to become "authentic" persons. When talking about BL the emphasis is on being attentive to the data, i.e., paying attention to authentic experiences of BL and calling into question ideas, facts and values that that data says is inauthentic, which seems to me is most everything that falls into the profile of a "pedophile"! Also, I think his Figure 18.1, "The Meanings of Human Sexuality," provide a good resource for talking about "attraction" / "desire" / "Godly love." Organism (body): Sex as female and male; concerned with "making babies," procreation; through sexual intercourse and biological processes, results in offspring. (genital sex differences; instinctive urges & desires to become "one flesh"?) Psyche: Personality as feminine and masculine; concerned with "making love," romance; through affective togetherness, results in emotional attachment, colony, herd. (gender sex differences; a desire to be near, to touch.) Spirit: Determining humanity as such, is not sexually differentiated; is self-transcending openness to all reality, to being; concerned with knowing, loving, and caring; through interpersonal sharing of beliefs and values, results in communion, family, culture. (TJ, your "Godly love," devoid of sexual feelings and gender differences! Great joy in association and sharing!) These are close to, if not the same as, eros, philia and agape of New Testament Greek. (I just haven't taken the time to sort out similarities and differences!) I think God wants integration of all three facets of the "human" here! What that means for Boylovers is yet to be determined! Seems to me that the good "Christian" boy ought to want to be one flesh with a good Christian girl! The data seem to indicate to me that that ain't the way things are in this world which God brought into being and in which God lives! So, it seems to me that God isn't in some of that "Christian" theory! Problem is in which part or parts isn't God in! TJ, you are not alone in being messed up and bothered. Though your experiences may be different, your struggle is much the same as many on this board. Love, peace, and joy in Christ! Ray |