My childhood experience
Submitted by Jules on March 04 2000 at 17:45:23
In reply to I need your support -sorry for the long story- Submitted by TJ on February 28 2000 at 15:12:36
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Hi TJ, For what it's worth, here's my different childhood experience. Aged 12 I was 'in love' with a classmate as much as boys that age can be, and after I made a pass at him we became best friends for a while! Nobody older suggested anything sexual to us, but we found ourselves both interested in each other's developing genitals. There's a sense in which it just seemed natural. There was something in both of us that made us that way already. I certainly knew I liked other boys long before I did anything 'sexual'. I can honestly say I don't regret it, despite my Christian upbringing, and being a committed Christian now, but I do regret the fact that we didn't stay friends for very long, for whatever reason. Maybe it was just that neither of us had the courage to stay friends in public, and we didn't know how be friends in any other way. Ever since then, I suppose I've been longing for that sort of relationship, and I still have an interest in boys of that age and older. But I don't think the sexual contact casued that longing, quite the reverse. If there was a problem, it was the fact that the friendship didn't have any other foundation. That in turn I know was related to me already not being good at making friends. I'm sure there are many straight men who've had sexual experiments with their best friend in childhood without it leaving the longing I still have. The difference is that they were already friends and they continued being friends afterwards. I suppose what I'm saying is that in my experience, being a boylover is part of my emotional and personality orientation that probably goes back to infancy, rather than being brought about by sexual contact. I know I'd still be a boylover even if I hadn't had that contact. As such, I have to accept that it is something God has allowed, and I must look for the positive side of it. I'm not sure how this relates to your experience, but does it make sense? With love, Jules |