hi
Submitted by ASB on May 15 2000 22:08:40
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I have to start with a joke Why do boys make the best dates? they get into movies half off happy meals are cheap and they are impressed with presents from gumball machines. I'm sorry, but thats me I was brought up in Christ, and I have always loved boys. I always thought that God had a purpose to what he did, and when I was sixteen and I figured out what I was I was messed up for a long time (some days I still am) It was like a joke that God played on me. I know it isn't but it feels like it is, like I was created to fall down. Here's the next part of the joke, God created me as a teacher. It is what I do and I can't imagine a life without being a teacher of children, and I have great ability as a teacher, but always in the back of my mind I have this desire. I have never touched a boy in those ways, but sometimes like now It very hard to control (Boylove websites with pictures, God help me why did I have to find those?) Every night I pray that I don't fall into temptation, and that I can be free of acusations and that my secret remains secret. I know God hasn't abandoned me, but I feel like I have been a sinner for as long as I can remember. I have only had thoughts but is that OK. I'm rambling. Normally I don't let myself think about any of this, but I wanted to say something here. Others ar choosing to bare this cross too... I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS God is the one with the sence of humor, but I like that in a messiah I'm sorry, I ranting. I believe, know that. I fight myself everyday, know that. I don't think I'm alone anymore |
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