this life
Submitted by Tempest on May 31 2000 02:23:41
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Well hello all. im gonna ramble here a bit, sorry. this past weekend i spent up at YL(younglife) summer camp, helping get everythign cleaned up, and ready for all the kids to come and hopefully have the balst of there lives. well i didnt set up...they threw me in the kitchen, making the food! its a miracle there still alive hehehehe...its allota worka nd allota food to feed 220 ppl. anyway while i was up there, i felt for the most part relaxed and calm and definitly more at peace. esp since i tlaked to my leader for quite a bit, and i promised myself that i wouldnt get all pissed or upset or angry when i got home, and that i would stay in gods peace, well that didnt happen...on our way home our alternator caught fire...and 30 mintues being home i was hysterical...tearing out my hair..and all this bull, i cant stand it here at home...mom and my family just critize EVERYTHING....and dont let me have any peace..and mom thinks that im not a christian and when i step outta line she shoves some gospel down my throat...and when she doesnt know the whole deal it gets me really upset and everything cause she missaplies it...and makes me feel terrible. and then i goto my computer and see that my brother had been snooping through my system and opened up a poem that i had written, while not terribly explicit he coulda figured stuff out, and he prolly found my log files form IRC....ooooppppsss......anyway. while i was up at camp there were these 2 boys there...that broke my heart...and all i wanted to do was be friends with them....and more. i hate living like this. lusting after these wonderfull children. its WRONG. and i hate it. always feeling this way. i wish i didnt have to, and just be able to love girls. maybe one day god will grant my prayers and help me be normal...sighhhhhh...sorry for the ramble.... May God keep you safe till we meet again -hoping to leave the Tempest and to know God's Solace |
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