"I'm not gonna lie, I've been trying to be naughty, I've tried to arrange sexual activity for months now, and it always fails. Okay, so SOMEONE doesn't want me to have sex anymore. THEN WHY, could it happen when I was ten, eleven?? TWELVE?? Why was it okay then??"

Thinking about it further: can I suggest that the difference is that the consequences for you of the events when you were 10-12 were not catastrophic for your future, whereas continuing with this now is liable to be.... It's not that it was 'OK' then - but it was less of a problem for you.

Does that make any sense?