I was 19 when I met my wife. I was not at all attracted to women, only to boys. I thought getting married would "heal" me. It didn't.

I did tell my wife that I was a boylover before we married. I actually made a list of reasons for and against us marrying at one stage. At the top of my list (which I showed her) was: "you are not a boy".

My wife believed that I was attracted to her as well as to boys. If that had of been the case my marriage wouldn't have become such a mess as it has in recent years. My wife was never really worried that I was a BL. She was happy that I didn't beleive in being sexual with a boy and throughout the years I've had various boys in my life. I had several yfs when we met but circumstances moved us away from them fairly early in our marriage and then all my kids friends came along... so one way or another I've always had boys around and that has never really bothered her.

The thing that bothered her was learning I wasn't attracted to her. Only then did she get jealous of my yfs.... but now even that is fading.

I've pretty much been out most of my life. As a teen all my peers knew I was into boys.... so did my mum and my siblings.... and some of my teachers. As an adult I've always been out to at least one or two of the elders of any church I've been in. I also came out to many of the parents of the boys who were my kids friends. I have a strong stand on no sexing with boys and not being alone with other peoples kids. I have found that people tend to trust me and generally accept me. Recently I counted 23 adults in my current aquaintance to whom I'm out as a pedo...(only 2 of which are themselves peodos) many of whose children I associate with.

My family has not cut me off but they generally don't like talking about the subject... my mum puts up with it...but sometimes I see her cringe.

I have found being out a positive experience generally. Having said that I try and be discrete. I don't make it general knowledge in the community. There are some people that don't know and I wouldn't want them to know. I'm not known openly by my community as a pedo and I wouldn't want to be. The people who know are people I love and trust and who love me. It has caused me problems in some ways. With the recent trouble in my marriage, some of our friends have taken my wife's side and started to question if I'm really safe... but over time they have settled back into being ok with me (mostly because my wife continues to trust me around kids). The elders in my church have taken various positions... one was actually encouraging me to work alone in a children's minsitry because of my obvious talent with kids and I had to say no because it would have broken my "being alone with kids" rule. Others have let me do Sunday School with other adults and others have said they don't want me working with kids at all.

I think things would be bad if EVERYONE knew. I wouldn't like that at all and every time you come out to someone you take the risk that they will out you to others without your concent (though in my experience that has been very rare). Overall I'm comfortable with how things are.

I'd be inclined to be honest with a future wife. Don't live a double life, it crushes your spirit in my opinion. When my wife discovered that I wasn't attracted to her and had been lying about that she was really hurt and the trouble that has brought to our marriage has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced.... for her too.

Hope this helps.
Blessings
Cat.