i feel like just loving him without the in love part would solve all my problems with him...cause i wouldnt want anything from him.

but it's been a fucking year of constant hell for me and i am worn the fuck out man. i just dont get this shit! how can someone so important be drifting away? i never expected things to be the same...but i really wanted to be someone really important in his life...and i tried so hard to be accepting of him to be there for him no matter what.

i dont even wanna move on because i dont really know what else to move on anymore. ive just become totally unmotivated about everything. i want him to grow up so we can have a deeper more meaningful relationship, as friends or whatever. but thats in like at least 5 years and to someone my age 1 year is a fucking long ass time. what am i supposed to do to dredge through life right now? im sure the answer is inside me somewhere but i just feel so unmotivated all the time and no matter what i do i feel horrible because i am in love with my yf and i miss him all the time and cant stop thinking about him...it's freaking ridiculous.

i want these negative feelings, fears, etc. to go away...and i think the only way is to love him selflessly...would that work, is that possible?

i dont want to get over him, forget him, replace him, move on, etc...is that possible?

i want to find a purpose in life, fulfillment and i think that will lead me to happiness like it did before. is that possible?