thank you for the good advice

the problem is, i guess, mostly in me. i'm the one pulling breaks, I'm somewhat afraid of being near a boy i like and be it more, I have low self-esteem and am unconfident, that's why I avoided any such organisaions. I guess i have to start from that, I have to build up myself first.

But that's maybe because I feel that the boy I like is perfect and that, in order to approach him, I must be perfect as well. And I know that i'm far from that and never will be perfect.

- Also, I can't help but to think that when one acts against his nature he's harming himself -
that is so true, I felt that i've harmed myself so many times when I kept my nature under a lock or acted against it (which sadly I must do all of the time)

But still, I'll try, God has not given me everything I have in vain, he wants me to do something good. I'll try.