Youth, you're addicted to what in the gay movement is called "homosexual self-hatred."

Masturbating every day while thinking of whatever naturally attracts you is just normal. To discard electronic recording devices for that is like an anorexic destroying the oven, the microwave and the refrigerator. It's an ongoing part of the illness.

You have to accept yourself including your own sexuality. Look around and notice that there are other non-horrible people attracted to their own sex who have done this in various ways.

You do need a therapist to help with this, if that can possibly be arranged.