I guess I didn't think it was possible to find a MB like this one. As both a struggling Christian and a BL I'm so relieved to have found a place where I can share my 'secret' thoughts and struggles.

For a long time I've been going through a pretty sad existence. I used to have a very special boy in my life, who I loved much more than I could ever understand, but for matters of circumstance we've been apart some 3 years. I don't expect to ever again be close to him personally (save for the infrequent visit), and I still miss him terribly, so much so that life now seems so grey and dull. He's the only person I've ever truly loved (apart from my family) and it's been very hard to 'start again' without him. I know I'm missing out on life because of it, but I just can't get over it.

I suppose I'm venting here 'cause it's the first time I've ever found myself able to do it freely and openly, it might just be the first step towards the healing which I need so desperately, and a reconciliation between my faith and my impulses, which 'till now I thought was not possible.

I hope I can work out my issues with the support of this community, and arrive at a deeper understanding of God's purpose in my life.