So, over the course of a few months I've been hearing things. At first, I thought that it was just my house, it's haunted. Eventually, I started hearing them outside of my house, but I still didn't really think much of it. I thought "The ghosts must be following me." More time passed and I didn't bother mentioning it to my psychiatrist. I thought it was just me. Around mid-September I started seeing things. Me being me, I started to cry and become afraid, mostly because the things I saw looked like something from the ring. I still didn't think anything of it because it was all out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was just my hair in the way and my mind was playing its usual games. After another while, when I turned to see if the things I saw from the corner of my eye would go away, they didn't. Things have been getting rather uncomfortable since then. I can't sleep and most of the time that I'd usually spend online I spend wondering if what's happening is really occurring. I still don't believe what's going on is really happening. I feel like a liar when I try to explain it, but then they occur and the worst feeling now is being in public places because I can't tell if I'm hearing crap in my head or not and it drives me up the walls. I've been here thinking that my life couldn't get any worse, that I've finally prevailed. That I won and shit is going to get better. I thought I'd kill myself when the word "schizophrenia" popped up. I haven't won and shit keeps getting worse.
I try to keep my spirits up though ("I'm not hearing voices, I can read minds"). Don't I wish?
Also, I have the usual depression thing going on, but I've had that for as long as I can remember. Things have gotten so bad that I had go to the S.S. to apply for disability. That sure helped my self-esteem (/sarcasm).
So did the apparent eating disorder. I eat and eat, but I'm still dropping weight. The little friends I have keep asking if I've been losing more weight or if I've been eating at all. I do eat, I think. I just can't help but to forget how much time passes by sometimes. I know I need help, but then what? Some new problem develops and the cycle starts over again? Next thing I know, I'll get D.I.D and have to swallow a whole other set of pills on top of the ones I already take. I'm just sick and tired of it all. I'm tired of complaining and I'm sick of hearing that I have to live. I ask why, but they never give me a proper answer. "Just because" or they try to make me feel guilty by saying "I'll miss you" even though I'm pretty sure they'll get over it. One thing I'm sure of is that I feel like I'm losing myself; the essence which makes me who I am and it hurts so much. I don't want to stop being me. Other than getting help, what else should I do? My therapist thinks that getting help won't be enough, that I have to do more. I'm just not sure what to do, or why to do it.