In a couple of weeks I'll be moving back , indefinitely, near my YF. I haven't seen him in over a year, he just turned 16, and I'm getting tempted to finally do what I've never worked up the courage to do: tell him how much I love him and how he changed my entire life. therein lies the question.

My sister knows all about my BL issues (she's an AWESOME sister!) and she thinks it's a bad idea, but she's the only person I've ever ran this by. now that I'm among like-minded people, what do you guys think? I won't tell him about my attraction to him of course, but I do want him to know how special he was/(is?) to me and how he pretty much changed my whole understanding of love, and life. the thing is that I'm terrified he won't understand and take me for a 'weird homo' (he was brought up in a fairly homophobic environment and might react this way out of purely social reasons, though I have a feeling he might be a repressed gay himself).

I don't want to alienate him completely. I barely see him as it is. but I always have the urge to tell him and I'm always telling myself I'll do it next time we're together. I feel that I was always there for him when he needed me, unselfishly, I always thought about his well-being before my impulses (and it was HARD), and I feel I need to do this FOR ME (!!!), and that he should understand...but of course such dreams are always very tenuous. That's probably the reason I can't move on beyond what happened between us, I haven't got a sense of closure. when I moved away we barely even nodded goodbye (it was a very stressful time), and the ONE time I was gonna tell him for real there was a stupid logistical miscalculation and he left before I had a chance. (sigh...)

So I'm very conflicted. And I'm hurting. Everytime I think about it.

...BTW I'd very much like to register me nick but my computer's all wonky right now, I tried to e-mail webmaster but it just won't do it...so I guess I'll have to wait 'till the issue is resolved.