I believe we are designed to attach to people for a long term.

We love someone deeply... we attach... we want them in our lives forever.
If we lose them... we grieve .... deeply... we do all we can to hold on... to get them back... sometimes we don't recover well from the loss.

HOWEVER,
as men who love boys we have a fundamental problem.... boys are tranisitory. They don't stick around. Even if they stay in our lives they grow up.

Some of us get to be with our yfs for just a season... others get a more long term thing happening... with all manner of in between.

I think to be really happy as BLs we have to accept these two realities... we want to love our boys forever... but they go (or at least grow up).

It's really hard and it can hurt like hell... but ... for my own part... it's worth it. I can love him... and... as much as I hate it... let him go (or let him grow as the case may be). And then I can be ready for the next boy who comes along. It don't mean I love my former YF any less, but there's no point that I can see in living for a relationship that just doesn't exist anymore, regardless of how much I still love him.

Blessings
Cat.