May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

As a man who's sexuality is boy-centric I tend to thing about boys A LOT.
And A LOT of the things I think about boys are sexual.
And I believe that if I were to practice those boy-sexual things which my flesh desires I would be sinning.
So then how can a man like me expect to see an answer to a prayer like this one?
How can the meditations of MY heart be pleasing to my God?
Is the expection that I should block all my boy thoughts.... somehow put my spiritual hands over my spritual ears and sing loudly LA LA LA! so I can't hear them? Is it that I should cover my eyes or turn away everytime an attractive boy walks past? Should I run and hide from every spunky kid who wants my attention? Maybe I should just think about something else when my thoughs want to wander to boys. Distract myself, like the naughty child who wants the cookie jar and mummy distracts him with the cute truck that makes "BROOM BROOM" noises when you push the button.... but wait! Are cookies really naughty?

Short of a miracle, boy thoughts are going to be part of my life... a big part. So is there a way for me to have boy thoughs that will be pleasing to God?

I believe the answer is "yes".
If my intent is to live a holy life (as much as I am able). If my intent is to be sexually pure in my conduct and in my words.
If I forsake coveting after my neighbours boy. IE: I don't go plotting and scheming about how I might get into his pants (even if fear and oppertunity prevent me from ever acting on it).
If I do these things then my commitment to holiness is sound and my heart's meditations are pure.
There is a difference, I beleive, between desiring and lusting.
I can acknowledge and accept that I desire boys in sexual ways with out lusting after having one. Lust seeks to possess and to have.... desire is just a feeling.
If I find a boy attractive or even sexy... If I have a sexual fantasy that I've no intention whatsoever of pursuing in reality... then perhaps I can even thank God for these things and bring every thought captive to obedience to Christ.

Prayer
(Guys this is how I've been praying recently. You may not agree with what I'm saying and you may not feel comfortable praying like this... and if that's the case that's fine by me. I however, am really finding this kind of prayer quite liberating and I invite you to consider it.)

Father,
I think boys are wonderful. I think they are so beautiful and so sexy and so cute and so delightful. I thank You for making them and for giving me the ability to appreciate them. Thank you that I find the idea of sexing a boy so exillerating.... when I fantasise about boy sex it's one of the greatest thrills in all creation... but Dad, I know it would not be holy to act out such desires with real boys. Please help me to have appropriate self-control. Help me to know that whilst these desires thrill me and make me feel good on one hand, they would be evil to practice on the other. Help me not to covet the boys I see about me, not to want to use them for my own gratificaion (no matter how sexy or beautiful they are). Help me to love them as You love them. Help me to subordinate my sexual desires to my desires to be a blessing to them and build them up and train them in godliness.
Help me to avoid temptaion but give me the courage to use the gifts You have given me.
May the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight.
I ask these things in Jesus name.
Amen.

Blessings
Cat.