Don't blame the computer or the net. I've never done that. I know I'm the problem. If one eye causes you to stumble - gouge it out - right? Leaving it here is like - man I can't come up with a metaphor for that. Why even attempt to overcome said 'loops' if I could jump right back into it without even noticing. Why -not- get rid of it all? Why even do things half ass anymore? "Scouts Honor, I'll stop looking at porn" I'll tell myself. This all goes far beyond Prayer and Bible reading. This isn't just a Christian problem - and it can't really be solved like one. Everyone has issues with addictions. The REAL problem - I can tell you - is that I have no structure in my life. Absolutely no responsibilities. I even get angry at the video games I play - because it's not for enjoyment anymore. Everything is just a past time. If I had a job, a responsibility - and had time to do what I enjoy on the side - I'd be much more happier. I'm tired of literally - being a lazy idiot. And not by choice - not one interview - application has panned out in my favor. Yeah people are worse off - not like I can do anything about it. So yeah - I focus on my life - nothing else to do. So - what's good about my life? I get to live in a house - and eat, and play video games, all, day, long. Enjoyment?? This isn't a life, ugh - it like grosses me out. I just want to do something. I've become desolate - it's not enough, it never is.