Of course I can accept a boy is beautiful, in fact so beautiful it hurts to look at, so gorgeous, cute and adorable that its brings tears to my eyes. The only thing I can do is as you said "to suck it up" and accept that I will never experience the joys of being with one in a loving relationship where you share mutual romantic love as couples do.

The odd thing is if a boy happen to show up on my door claiming he was madly in love with me and wanted to come in and be intimate I would undoubtedly reject the offer as I don't think such intimacy is appropriate, despite the fact that my heart longs for such love.

If I could take away the object out of my desire (boys) and analyse the emotions that are left over, it is no different then what any other heterosexual or homosexual person wants, so therefore ultimately I dont want boys, I want love, sex, romance, intimacy, a soul mate, companionship someone to share life with in a relationship and seeing as those feelings happened to be inappropriately misdirected towards boys I would be quite content if I could experience all those feelings with an adult. However the only catch is...I am not attracted to adults!

So what is one to do ? Get a pet ? find a YF ? do volunteer work with boys ? keep busy with hobby's ? what if I don't find any satisfaction fooling myself with a consolation prizes, what if I want the real deal ? and by that I don't mean boys I mean a ROMANTIC INTIMATE LOVING RELATIONSHIP that is legally, morally and religiously accaptable. That's what I want and it feels like its the only thing that will give me happiness and peace and stop all the hurt yet at the same time it is so unrealistic as the only way that's going to happen is if I one day miraculously wake with a different sexuality. I have a better chance dying and hoping God will give me the LOVE his denied me in this lifetime in the hereafter.