Imagine yourself - able to look into a mirror and ask 'yourself' a question, and 'it' (the mirror you) would answer.

It sounds like you are fighting yourself. You see a boy, essentially a child, whom your believe is beautiful. The part I would ask you is - are they beautiful creatures, or are they an object you 'get off' too. And honestly, ask yourself this.

You are disappointed in yourself.
Over something.
It's painful because your looking in that mirror and telling yourself your doing something wrong. Or at the least - something not normal and unacceptable to society. I won't cut corners with you, it's not normal, but that doesn't make it your fault. At all. And, like one said - what is 'normal'?

Which is why you must ask yourself, in that mirror - what makes you at peace?
If you can never accept that you find a boy, beautiful, hot, smoking - whatever, if you cannot accept that right now - I'd ask yourself why?
It's not changing, not tomorrow, not ever.
With all the understanding in the world (and trust me, I really do get it)
There is a point where you have to suck it up.
But I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's easy, or even obvious how to do it. You find young boys attractive, sexually and non-sexually. Guess what - there used to be societies with the same feelings (greek, romans, ect.) You CAN be you. Slap that guy in the mirror and get some professional help.

I've accepted that I will always be a blunt, generally mean person who doesn't claim to be gay or strait, sure I've had my share of sexual encounters with males, but I won't sit here and tell you that's all there is. I could meet the woman I love tomorrow. And on top of that, I think boys are adorable, and it's just a more pure version of the male body I already like, just a little smaller and a lot less hairy/smelly/gross. This is who I am, and people who don't like it can go fuck themselves.

I know you can get to this point. I won't tell you it's easy, and hell, I don't know how I got here, but, give it time, and dedication.

And for the record, yes, I always give the blunt, honest point of view of a situation. Always. I'm not known for anything but.