I have a theory I've been pondering on for some time now. And I do blame the world we live in, society we live in - ect; for this. Somewhere down the line I'm splitting 'boys' and 'men' in half, and of course beating myself over the 'boy' part. But still - it is a male. And I kissed/touched my first boy at 11 (around the age I'm attracted too). It just seems kind of fishy - the details. I feel like psychologically I'm living in a different time. I found some pictures of me on a beach when I was 11, it was almost unbearable. I don't even remember looking like that! I wish I could sit a younger version of myself down in a room and ask him what the hell he's doing (or thinking). As of -right now- I'm not feeling depressed at all, because I'm not - and I'm not regretting anything I've done at all.

With the regret statement in mind, It was inevitable I was going to be who I am. When I was 12, I was at my best friend's party and his younger brother who was about 10, took off his clothes and jumped on me and began kissing and fondling me. Of course this was in the back room of a house with like 30 other people in it - so I told him he was crazy to do this right now. And ran out of the room. I enjoyed the three seconds, but was horrified what would happened if someone walked into that room. I mean really - this kid had no idea I was fooling around with two other boys at the time (nor knew off these boys at all) and just let me have it. When I rediscovered this memory, I began laughing. I beat myself up from time to time for being a horny little boy, but in the end, it was just fate - destiny, Inevitable.

Jumping back up to the original topic, I think people cram the groups 'boy' and 'men' together out of proxy, and always brand it with 'boy' or child or pedo or whatever. Some people aren't attracted to men, just boys. (Which I'm not mentioning is wrong in any way) but I think that people assume there is no way someone can just be plain gay. Enjoying their same gender.

A twelve year old boy's belly can be as wonderful as my hairy friend's bottom when he bends over. There is just no difference to me. Of course, I keep telling myself that there is sometimes. And with that nailed down, I'm not sexually active anymore. And I'm not aiming to be sexual with any male - or someone I'm not married to ever again.