this is a big deal and if you dont talk to him about it you will probably be stuck wondering what could've been the rest of your life. i know the fear of rejection, especially from the love of your life and centre of your universe but this way if it doesn't work out, you can move on, have closure, find someone else to love. and if it works out, well then we will all be super happy for you.

ultimately it will be your decision alone.

one other thing i wanted to mention was i noticed you seem to analyse the past a lot. i think a lot of times you post here it's about some past experience you had as a youth. maybe it's time to look forward and create new experiences for yourself? it almost seems like part of you is stuck in the past because it was a source of happiness. there is happiness to be found in the future too you know.