I appreciate the support, I read through all your comments and found a lot of wisdom. Dakato I felt like you understood me best because everything you said hit home, but I'm sure everyone here has similar struggles but a lot of you also seem to deal with it so well with your positive attitude on life that that I'm not even sure if you can relate to my negative feelings.

I know it all comes down to perspective and trying to appreciate the good things you have, having faith and recognizing that we are still very fortunate compared to other difficulties in the world however I find it so easy to be lost in your own sorrow, because the pain of loneliness I feel is very real and pure and it overshadows any positive outlook or hope.

I do however believe everything in life and the universe is predetermined by God except for your will and how you choose to deal with those predetermined factors. I have no doubt in my heart God intended us to be boylovers because as I have read in various religious books that God tests the faith of those he loves with burdens to see how they choose to deal with it without straying from the right path. So the life on this earth is just one big test that will determine out true place in the here after. For this reason I never try to bite of more then I can chew in the sense that I don't want to be a wealthy rich gluttonous person and blessed with everything my heart desires and in the perfect relationship because that is a massive responsibility and in return for such blessings if I fail to share my wealth and good fortune I may have to pay for it in the after life. However what I have now is well below par, I fall in the other end of the extreme as I am basically love-starved, a happy medium would have been ideal but it looks like it wasn't meant to be. I guess all I can do is to continue staying true to my morals and values in the hope that I will have a better existence in the kingdom of heaven.