Every person here knows how you feel, including me. That's why this forum exists. I know the feeling of letting my gaze linger on a cute boy, then worrying that maybe someone noticed. I know the self loathing that I sometimes feel when my thoughts stray towards the perverted. I also get despondent sometimes when I consider how I will have to live out my life without knowing the true fulfillment of my heart's desire, without the total emotional and physical bond that every "normal" person can look forward to. It's especially despicable that such a good and Godly emotion, love, has somehow gone astray in us. But there IS hope. You CAN live a happy and fulfilling life even with this burden.

No one wants the burdens that come along in life. If given a choice, everyone would choose to live that freedom that a so called normal life would bring. But as the saying goes, if wishes were fishes, we'd all be having seafood for dinner. We don't get to choose the hand we're dealt. We just have to play our cards the best way we can. And that's all God expects. This may sound trite or overly simplistic, but I know from my own experiences that God's grace really IS sufficient. He really WILL help you and comfort you. But you need to be sure your not inadvertantly keeping that help and comfort from reaching you. One of the most important things is to stop thinking of this as a punishment. It isn't. Being a boylover is neither good nor bad. It just IS. Unlike what the world would have you think, God loves you and does not reject you for your feelings. How you handle being a boylover is the important thing, not merely being one. It helps to keep reminding yourself of how God sees you, not how the world sees you. And if God be for us, who shall be against us?

God never intended for you to go thru this alone. In a Godly world, you would not be an outcast. You would have the help, support, and love of all Christians and feel free to share your burdens. That is what God intended for the Christian life. Unfortunately, this isn't realistic for men like us. But I truly believe that God doles out an extra measure of grace and comfort for us because of the shortcomings of the current church. No, it's still not easy. It's quite difficult and lonely sometimes. But it's not always so. There really is happiness and joy and yes even love in a boylover's life. I've found that this forum helps when I'm in a low spot in life. God can comfort, but sometimes we need the comfort of other Christians. That's what God intended. I honestly can't fathom how non-Chrisitans deal with this. I think a lot of them turn bitter. Don't let that happen to you. God loves you. He sent His Son to DIE for you, with all your boylover thoughts and feelings. He knows ALL the thoughts and feelings that run thru your mind. And knowing that, He decreed that you, yes YOU, were worth dying for. So what if the world makes us outcasts. To hell with them and their self righteaous attitudes and the "we're better than them" mentality. God loves us. Next to that, everything else seems less important.

Dakota