I don't want this burden, this difficulty of maintaining a secret life from my family, friends and society, hiding and fearing my sexuality. I don't want anything to do with any of this, I hate this sexuality, I hate the loneliness and isolation it brings, I hate the cravings and my hearts desires. I hate the paranoia, the restrictions, the social ignorance.

I just want the freedom, acceptance and relationship of a normal sexuality. I don't want to feel like an outcast anymore, I don't want to worry if I will be noticed looking at a boy in some public place, I don't want to have to hide my gaze or live in fear that my feelings will be discovered and get me in to trouble in someway. I am so tired of everything that has to do with this sexuality, it takes so much effort, Ive had enough of all the bullshit, I don't want any of it, I never have and never will. All I want is some peace without having to fight for my place in this world, I want my heart to be content without having to yearn for companionship. I want to be alone and be happy. I just want to stop loving without hurting.

Of all the things why did God have to choose this to punish me or us with, such a delicate and sensitive emotion like love chosen as ammunition, an emotion so closely connected to the soul and the heart, so tormenting, I can't imagine hell being any worse.