wow. you guys seem to know quite a bit on the subject.

i'm not really worried about it. i mean, i've been like this my whole life and just yesterday found out theres a name for it. people who know me don't think there's anything TOO abnormal about me, though they know i'm very different/eccentric/whatever.

i guess where it most affects me is in the social interaction side. at this point in my life i've worked so hard on it that i'm almost 'normal', but it's sort of a fake normality cause that's not my natural state. i have to do it very consciously, like an excercise in being with people. the downside is that it's very draining and i can only take so much of it.

i think it also explains my lifelong obsession with music, boys, tendency to arrange things alphabetically, playing the same music over and over again, why i HAVE TO have waffles and coffe for breakfast or else, extreme sensitivity to light and sound, aversion to touch 'without warning', extreme difficulty falling asleep, 'spacing out', early intellectual development, late emotional development, absolute loathing of small talk, complete and absolute honesty, fascination with words (but not very good at speaking), near encyclopeadic knowledge of a very limited range of subjects, deep attachment to certain clothes/objects, very few or no friends, why i can be perfectly content spending days holed up in my room chasing my interests without human contact, why people think i'm angry/unhappy based on my facial expressions when i just don't see the point of smiling for no reason, why i find it almost painful to make eye contact when someone's talking to me, why i think shaking hands should be outlawed, why i wish i could just 'slip away' without saying goodbye to someone, tendency to dissociate when focusing or when stressed/bored, oh man so many more...!

over the years I've learned to avoid a lot of these to appear more normal/be accepted, but i've also had big feuds with my parents about things i think should be non-negotiable. i feel that i'll stop being myself completely if i just conform to every 'polite' social custom.

the bible's been a good source for things i should and shouldn't do. if God said it, then i can't argue. if society made the rule i'll say: "WHY? who made it? for what reason(s)? and why should I follow?!"

BTW: most of this stuff i listed i've pretty much been thinking about my whole life, so i really don't think it's a case of 'Three Men In A Boat' thing. I wish it was, but like i said, there's comfort in the idea that it's not just in my head, me being 'weird' or whatnot.