Yeah, it's tough to admit but you know you have to. You do need to get over it. Not only should you not be focusing on this fantasy image, but you really shouldn't be boxing yourself into this "bl" category either. It's not that there is anything wrong with being a boylover if that's what you really are, but you are still young enough that you should be exploring your sexuality in a more open minded way. It may be that in the end you realise that you are a boylover and that's what you have always been, and that's ok if that is what happens. But you wouldn't be the first person who leaves these forums after some time and comes to realize that he's really not a BL at all but was merely going through a confusing stage in the process of figuring out his sexual identity. Be a bit more open minded, consider dating girls, consider dating guys, don't settle on a sexual identity based primarily on the fact you enjoy shota comics and have constructed an ideal person who happens to be of a certain age.