I hate myself right now. BTW, if this post is against the rules, which I doubt, please, delete it, by all means.

Why do I hate myself, you ask? Well, I have a desire. 

Oh, really? What for?

Alright, wanna know? Imagine a 12 year old boy. Blue eyes, dark brown hair. His eyebrows are brownish, darker than his hair by about 2 shades or so. His face (and the rest of his skin) is a very light tan color, with no blemish or freckle whatsoever. His eyes are bright and clear, just far enough apart, with a smooth soft nose right between them that curves up just a tiny bit at the tip. He has no hair below his lovely medium length black eyelashes, except for some smooth short peach fuzz on his forearms and calves, resulting in the smoothest feeling face ever. His lips are amazing, the top one is curved in a very unique way, not as to seem unnatural, just unique, and is the same color as his skin, save for a little pinker. His bottom lip is a very soft pink color. Both lips are the perfect small size. His smile melts you to the core. Straight teeth, and dimples that could kill. His ears are perfectly folded, and his ear lobes hang loose. His right ear often has a small diamond earring visible on it, but occasionally, there's just a hole.

Now moving down his body, you see his thin, straight, brown hair touching his shoulders gently, and his beautiful arms hanging by his sides. His muscles show when he moves his arms, just enough muscle to see, but not a crazy amount. His chest has a very slight amount of definition, but is relatively flat, his small pink nipples placed evenly apart. His stomach is flat, and upon touching it, you feel nothing but skin and muscle. His belly button sticks out just enough to be called an "outie". From the back, you can clearly see his curves, his frame thinning out ever so slightly as it goes past his ribs. His tall torso is always warm to the touch, and is often exposed, just because he likes being a boy.

Just from now, I've described most of my perfect boy. The one I would love to take care of, love, snuggle with, watch movies and eat popcorn with, play video games with, and just to love in a general sense of the word. I could post more, and would, for fear of it being deleted, and me being banned. 

I would love to continue going down his naked body, describing it in vivid detail, as above. Then describing his habits, his quirks, his nature, and even more of his physical and um..."Other" traits... But here's the kicker!

He doesn't exist.

He never has.

And the best part! HE NEVER WILL! Aw man! Isn't that AWESOME! The dream boy, the one that would make me happier than anything else on Earth, is nowhere close to existing. Ever. I know, I know... "Suck it up!" "Get over it!" "Everyone has dreams!" I'm sorry!!! I just needed to get this off my chest! I just want him, I need him, I desire him! I'm obsessed over something that doesn't exist! And it's so frustrating!!!! Not to mention stupid!!! I'm tired of not being able to help it! *sobbing* I just... I want to love. 

Him.

And I want him to love.

Me.

Sorry, 
Shota...