I thought that giving up my various addictions would make life less painful for me.

Instead, now I find myself facing the very things I was trying to avoid facing by drowning them in liquor.

I took a long hiatus from the Internet in general, got out into the world some more, reached out to a couple of people who now know pretty much all there is to know about me (yes, there really are some people out there one can trust with certain issues. although finding them is the tricky part - and talking only to people on the Internet is a form of dangerous isolation in itself). A couple of months ago, I turned my life over to God, and I pray to him every morning and evening. I pray for him to remove me from myself, and to show me the ways to make myself useful and to generally do His will. Whatever that may be.

But to do His will, I have to face my own issues. All the stupid shit I did when I was intoxicated? All the selfish and callous words I directed towards others? The lifetime of resentments against a lot of people, most of who do not even think about me these days (silly how things work out that way)? If I don't deal with those things, they will eat me from the inside for the rest of my life.

I am not subscribed to the Christian faith (or any organized/fundamentalized religion). Don't have to be to believe there is a loving and forgiving God. I do attend Unitarian Universalist services, though, and I am getting a lot out of those.

Basically, I guess I am probably not the only one here who has found his way to God out of necessity, and I am asking for advice to find more ways to get out of my own diseased headspace towards a better life in service and gratitude to God. Really, I do not deserve a second chance at life, but God has granted me one anyway, so I want to run with it as far as I possibly can.

I posted here as "Anonymous Troll" some months ago. Guess I am no longer a troll.