yes I know it can really be difficult being BL. perhaps the hardest thing of all. the shame, the secrecy, the inevitable hypocrisy, the loneliness, not to mention the shere daily frustration.
its something we all share here I think and some suffer with it much more than others - although who can tell?
You don't mention faith in your post so I cant say anything about that although I will mention that it is only my faith (such as it is) that keeps me alive. Without it I would have given up willingly long long ago.
It puts a whole different perspective on everything.