1) I understand.
2) I'm not having sex with a prostitute. Also, I can't get married to a man, nor do I believe I should be able too. (not that I'm against it, I'm just kind of okay with people accepting me, and leaving it at that) Thirdly, I've been at this for OVER 20 Years, and some have been at it longer. I waited over 20 years, over 11 of those I've known I'm gay - waited that long before I actually entered a romantic, gay relationship. Of course it led to sex, let's be honest - It's not like I'm going to marry a woman one day. Then you have to factor in masturbation, which if I think of someone sexually, it's the same as actually having sex with them in Gods eyes. So it's just this trap and I'm done trying to avoid it. My reasoning? As a student of psychology for many years now it does FAR more damage to repress my sexuality then it will EVER DO not repressing it (not factoring in unprotected sex/STDs which I have never had/don't have). My sexual relationship is not a result of a downhill spiral towards destruction. It's about not being alone anymore. I'm tired of being in this shell. And at the end of this all, if it's not good enough, I'm sorry but i had no input in my creation. It's not a cop-out but it's a damn good reason.
3)And finally. I'm not clinging to pain, people rarely do that, it's mostly just evident in their life. It's not about forgiving/not forgiving. It's expectancy. Experience. Forgive and forget has always been a horrible phrase. I'll never forget the things churches do. Why? Because people are in them. People are naturally unequal. As soon as you get people together, passively or even directly - they put people in groups. The rich people. The nerds. The 'Saints'. Then there's just me - the gay. Of course I'd never tell people that, but that's the problem. I'm not going to put on this facade for people anymore. And then, every time I go into church, I'd have people popping out the bible reading the same thing you just put in front of me. It's impossible to live sinless. People say once your okay with one sin, your okay with them all. Which is another horrible phrase.

I'm not okay with living a lonely sexless life just because I am what I am. Therefore I am okay with a little companionship with another man, and since I can't marry them - yes I'm okay with having sex with a man, and outside marriage. Then would lead to the riveting conclusion that if that's a sin - fine. I'll take it. I'm done being miserable. People think of homosexuals as people who 'like to take it up the butt'
And you can quote me on that. They think we're these disgusting people, that purposely went against the norm, against society and of course, against God. I know God is there. And I know Jesus was here. And when God gives us an answer (or someone else finds it) that isn't

Repress your sexuality (which IS harmful)don't have sex with anyone but a woman (Yeah, right.) don't have sex outside of marriage.

There is no direction in these words. We all know it, it just takes an butthead like me to say it.