I too have had only one really close YF relationship with a boy in my life. It was years ago and I was also quite naive about what was going on when it happened. I did feel somewhat paranoid about what people thought about our friendship, but at that point in my life I really didn't care too much. Either that or I actually cared more about my YF and our relationship than I did about how other people felt about it. Nowadays I have had to really work at just being able to talk to a boy that I like. I too feel very self counscious around boys, but I am getting better at talking to them and relating to them. I fear they don't really like me too much in general, but there are a couple of boys right now who are slowly getting to know me and who do kind of like me. I've been able to make them laugh and also been able to give them some advice about music. But it has taken me years to get to that point with any boy.

When I met my YF, it was like the perfect time for both of us to hit it off with one another. He really needed a man or father figure/friend in his life and I really needed a boy in mine. Of course I denied wanting a YF at first because I had no idea what a YF was, or that some people do make friends like that. I thought I was a horrible monster for being attracted to young boys and that maybe nothing good would ever come from it at all. And then "L" came along and changed the way I thought about things like that forever. It didn't happen overnight, but in time it did happen. I always knew that the love I felt in my heart towards boys was a lot stronger than the sexual attraction, but "L" proved it to me.

When "L" left my life, I felt that there was no way I could ever be able to be friends like that with another boy. And who knows, maybe I will never have exactly what I had with "L"...that relationship was very special and very close. But I haven't completely given up on the prospect of having another YF. You never know...it could happen.