it's been eons since my YF & i parted ways and frankly, i'm lonely numb.

anyone here that's had only 1 YF all their life?

i'd love to find a wonderful boy who needs an AF but i don't realistically think i'll get another shot. i dunno. what i had was a particularly perfect situation [next door neighbor] and we made a connection when i was still rather naive and uninhibited about that kind of relationship. now that i'm older and have had years to process what happened [and am at a different point in life both in terms of what i can give and what i need] i find myself:
1. really paranoid about people misreading my intentions
2. extremely self-counscious around boys i find attractive

i've also been thinking more about dating girls. i'm not deluded here. i know i'm probably always gonna love boys, but i'm also attracted to women. i dunno if it can work, but i'm not looking for a 'conventional' girl. i've slowly been getting to know myself again through the prism of Asperger syndrome, and there's a lot of things of that nature that are prob gonna be big problems down the road in a relationship with a 'normal' girl. so she's gonna have to be pretty open-minded for me to even consider making a move.
but i'm getting lost here...

what i was wondering was: if any of you who've only had 1 YF found a way to accept it, or if you're always looking over the horizon for a potential boy who'd make you feel alive again [snif].

i'm really stuck here