I've been struggling with being a paedophile, specifically boylover for many years now. The main thing I struggle with is pornography. I don't have problems with having the urge to molest anyone in real life.

The problem, I think, is sex is like a need for me. It's like the need to take a shit, or eat food, or sleep. You can fight it for a while but sooner or later you just gotta go. I realise it won't kill me if I just didn't give in (unlike "real" needs) but I always do because it becomes so uncomfortable trying to fight it everytime and the temporary freedom you feel afterwards, to feel like a normal person until the next episode.

I've tried substituting with stories and normal pictures and all sorts of things. It's just not the same.

I really don't have a problem with being a pedophile. I just hate how my life is always on the line everytime I give in to my desires. I hate how I am held hostage on one side by society, and another by my sexual desires.

How do I survive? Help?