There's a book that I find really helpful when trying to address this issue: 'An Experience of Celibacy by Keith Clark'. He's a Capuchin Friar - a species of 'monk' that is active in society. Despite living in the community of his order, he still struggles with issues of loneliness and feeling unvalued.

The book has two elements:

1) 'Learning to find God concrete' as he describes it; really working on our relationship with God, learning to turn to Him when times are rough, when you really don't want to carry on.

2) Skills to build your relationships. We all need people with whom we are truly at home.

It's one of the most pernicious aspects of being a BL that we end up being less than honest with absolutely everyone. One of the virtues of this board, and the relationships that can grow out of it over time, is that at least in those relationships we can be honest to someone.

But beyond that, we do have a struggle in our modern society. Despite the vast numbers who do live alone, in practice singles tend to be marginalised in many churches, and also in wider society. To admit that one is feeling lonely is seen as a sign of weakness - and our churches tend to discourage such honesty. And yes, loneliness does hurt. Lots.

Of course we need to be making the effort to reach out to others; it's no good sulking in our apartments and complaining that 'nobody loves me' when we don't actually try to be friends to others.

But ultimately we have to decide if our faith is for real - or just an social activity we go along to on a regular basis. If it's just the latter, then there can be little objection to perving about the boys we have around us, and putting the internet to the use for which it has generated a valid reputation. But if our God is for real, then we can look to him to get us through this until the time when he does 'wipe away every tear'. Easy? Of course not - but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. And the retirement benefits are out of this world...