I had a really good, close, relationship with a boy a few years ago. I believe we were close emotionally as certain things were said. His parents forbade us to be together any longer, which was unfortunate.

I still love him. He is not a boy anymore and to be honest he wasn't a boy when we stopped talking. Judging by his appearance, he hit puberty early. Now we never did anything sexual because it was not that kind of a relationship. I was, am, emotionally in love with him and I know he sensed that I genuinely cared about him. His actions seemed consistent with a genuie care for me rather than wanting my approval.

This is why I love him.

I love the person he is because he is the kindest and most gentle person I know, but at the same time he's strong enough to not take shit from people. We also have a lot in common and we get along really well.

It's possible that one day when there aren't any legal consequences for us together, that he might change his mind and think 'wow, that guy was fucking weird', but my experience with grown up former young acquaintances is that that doesn't really happen. However, I don't pretend to predict the future and the thought of something like that happening scares me immensely.

I want a future with him. I don't want to die alone. I don't want to live alone. I genuinely care about him like I've not cared about anyone before. I trust him, emotionally, which is a big deal for me. We connected on an emotional level and when he gets older, intellectual level (he's very smart). I don't desire a sexual relationship with him because let's face it, I have no sexual attraction to big hairy men. But I want a close relationship with him. I wish we could be best friends. True best friends. I want to be there to take care of him, protect him from this shitty world, to share my life with him, to make him happy.

So this is where I stand and what I hope for the future. I know there are pessimistis, realists, and optimists here. I know we all project our experiences and lessons we've learned onto others. Therfore, I promise to take all responses with a grain of salt.

What do you guys think of all this?

(For reference I don't think he's gay but I just keep thinking our emotional connection must have meant something to him too right? On some level he must have sensed how much I really loved him?)

Thanks guys.