What are ethical as well as pragmatic concerns about telling or not telling your YF or his parents that you are a BL? When is it best to keep quiet, and when is it best to tell? Does it seem somehow dishonest or unethical not to tell? What are the advantages to telling? Is there more a sense of being genuine and closer to the boy and/or his parents? Is it helpful in terms of dispelling stereotypes? Are there any reasons other than self-protection for not telling?

I once told a 14 year old boy "I'm really fond of you" but neither of us discussed it further. When I continued being affectionate with him, in the end he couldn't work it all out and told his parents. The father's response (whom I knew well), as well as being shocked and angry, was "Why didn't you tell me?" Looking back, I think that would have been better. The boy wasn't really capable of understanding and dealing with what I told him or with my attention. I suppose he couldn't quite make out whether it was innocent or not, and whether it was supposed to be a secret or not. To be honest I didn't really know either. But telling his parents would have helped. We could have agreed on a way of preventing it from being a problem for the boy.

-Jules

My opinion on this is pretty simple, I think. Just like any other person or person's, you should think, think, and think a lot more about everything that could possibly happen as a result-the good, bad, and the ugly. I'm sure most of us are quite aware of the kind of bad publicity BL's have always gotten in the news, on TV, etc. At any rate, it is a pretty risky proposition at best.

About our moral obligation, I believe we probably have a greater moral obligation in regards to the way we behave with and around the boy. While it is true that, because we are Christian, we feel obligated to the truth...and rightly so, isn't it also true that sometimes the unguarded truth can hurt more than heal?

-Chris

Please remember I'm only speaking for myself from my own feelings and experiences with a particular YF (and mother) in mind.

When talking to a YF about one's attraction for him, we have to take into account the YF's age. If he's too young, he won't understand completely. It might confuse him, even frighten him. If he's too young to understand "that" kind of love or attraction, how can it make sense to him?

I look back at the seven very long (mostly happy) years with my YF and think about all kinds of different situations where I could've made my type of attraction for him more clear. But where would that lead us? Would he use that as a way to "seduce" me into doing something sexual with him? Would it have interfered with his supposedly normal growth into the heterosexual male he is today? Would it have caused me to become more weak in our relationship at times that I needed to look strong (as I was also his pseudo-stepfather)? How would it have affected the way he received discipline and instruction from me? These are some of the many questions I ask.

All in all, I feel I made the right choice by not telling him. Will I someday? Maybe. But why? Probably to teach him something about humanity. Whatever that means. I don't know just now. But I do know that I won't use it as a way to have a sexual relationship with him. I was his "teacher" and I chose not to appear as something different to him. Maybe that's another reason why I never told him.

What about his mother? Why didn't I ever tell her? I almost did. We planned to get married three different times. We were very close. Soul-mates, I thought. I wanted to tell her everything. But I was always just enough afraid not to tell her. I thought, "Maybe I'll tell her after the wedding, then she'll want to support me more and not use it against me." I also thought, "Maybe I'll wait until her son gets a bit older, then she won't be afraid that I'd do something to him."

I had many thoughts and feelings that I never shared with her, and in the end, I was thankful that I never did. As in most cases, when relationships come to an end, the other person tries to dig up every bad thing you ever said or did (or thought about doing). If she could've, she would've loved to have used my attraction for her son against me. And I would've hated to know that I had an enemy that knew that part of me and might still use it against me, especially since I have a good reputation in the community and work with kids. People always think they know you better than you know yourself. The ramifications would've been horrible.

-"Splash"