Scared, Confused and Lost
Submitted by Ngc224c on July 30 2000 19:00:15
|
Gentlemen, I could really use some help and Advice as I have gotten into a situation and I don’t see a way out. Please excuse the Length if that’s a problem. Last November, I met a man at a McDonalds on my way to Church. The circumstances around the actual Acquaintance were not exactly every day type meeting people either. I believe God had something to do with our Meeting. He is 42 and I am 22. We exchanged numbers and I left. I was not even going to call him until later that week but before that had a chance of happening, he ended up having me over for dinner twice that week along with him telling me right out in from the had all these feelings and emotions for me. He gave me a twenty some odd page letter explaining all kinds of things to me like I could have him any way I needed or wanted. That he would do anything for me and I could have whatever kind of relationship I wanted to have with him. Well, I was a little taken back and somewhat uneasy. So I made up a Lie to leave the Country for a week because something happened in my family. He bought it (actually he didn’t, but he didn’t argue). I needed to get away from him to breath a little and think. I called after a week and ultimately I decided too move in with him because of a trip I was taking out of Seas later that year. I wasn’t going to be able to afford it so I asked him if I could stay with him. Of course he said yes. I am sure he was delightful of the idea. I learned a lot while I was living there. He has three boys and is married. He like everyone else has problems at home and he would always say I had the ability within me to bring peace in his house. He ultimately today says that because I chose to turn the other cheek and not help his family, they are having significant difficulties. From day one he has told me that I have great potential and abilities and he always puts me on a pedestal. He always makes me feel like I have all the answers. And then he gets mad when I don’t help him or talk to him when he wants me too. He gets mad at stupid things like my obvious ways I have to avoid him. If my cell phone is off, he gets pist off. If I don’t email him , he gets pist off. He has intense emotions for me and we always end the day with an argument about something. He manipulated and deceived me into having a physical relationship with him four times even when I told him I didn’t want to do it with him. And every time it happened, I would cry out to God and ask Him to please end it. He made me feel like it was right until one day I was frightened by a Pastor who told me right out that it was an abomination to God to be Homosexual or even just have the occasional acts of between two men. He literally scared me and I stopped. I gave him scriptures to read and he just got pist at me more. He says that it’s the Spirit of the law that counts, not the letter of the law. Then tell me something, guys. How much clearer does Leviticus 20-13 have to be? I am afraid that everything I do and say is not good enough for him because he demands more out of me that I have to give him or even want to give him. He blames me for not sharing my emotions and my heart with him. He tells me that until I tell him who and where he fits in my life he will always be this way. He has done so much for me and given me so much that it has destroyed his marriage and his life as well. He faces so many problems today that he has these intense emotional and psychological episodes where he just gets pist at me and blames me for not being there for him like he wants me to be. His whole life revolves around me and nothing else seems to matter to him anymore. I get mad at him because everything I say he has to Contradict. I am always wrong. I don’t know anything. It’s gotten to a point where whatever I say means nothing to him. He thinks what ever he wants to think and its all my fault that he is like he is. I am sorry this has been so long but I need help. What do I do? Where do I go from here? Do I continue to be here and take this? I know he means well but he is just so much for me to handle. He expects so much from me and all I wan to be is myself. I can’t even buy a necklace without him having a problem with it. I am a Christian and all I want is to be right with God. I love Jesus with all my heart and that’s the most important thin to me. If you all have anything to say, please tell me what you can. Chris |
Follow ups: