Re: guess who?
Submitted by Derek on August 28 2000 00:13:31
In reply to guess who? submitted by Derek on August 26 2000 22:47:27
|
I apologize, I didn't think it'd be so hard for you to make the connection as to who I am. However, you've given me some peace of mind that my writing style is not as distinct as I thought it was. Note: I stand corrected. The man with whom I spoke is not an elder. He's an "ordained minister". Whatever. He's older than me, in any case. Mark, re: his relationship with his wife. Of course sex is not the only reason he married her. Sex was definitely part of the reason, but that's irrelevent. In the case of marriage, sex is not only acceptable but required. I've talked to him about this idea. His response is something like this: there's no doubt that God uses me for good things when I'm with boys. But that doesn't change the fact that I may have bad motivations for having relationships with boys. It's those motivations that need to be addressed. It's hard to argue with that, because certainly I do have bad motivations. However, I also have good motivations (or so it seems, I suppose it's possible that they're simply subconcious misinterpretations of the same bad motivations (eg sharing the Gospel is just an excuse to get with the boy and trick him into having sex with me)). The question then is should I have the good outweigh the bad, or should I avoid the bad at any cost? Unfortunately, Dannyboy, I'm not even entirely convinced that the sexual feelings I have are inappropriate. I have a deep-rooted emotional conviction that God has given me these desires for a reason, and that there ought to be some way for me to righteously fulfill them. Alas, I have no biblical proof. David, I hope you're reading this. I've been praying for at least a year now, I think, for a specific goal. I've been asking God to give me some sort of closure on this area of my life. Specifically, he'll allow me to either fulfill or eliminate my sexual desires regarding boys. Through my prayers, I've had several visions and other circumstances that have led me to believe that God has chosen a particular fellow student of mine with whom I will enter into a relationship that will ultimately result in this fulfillment or elimination. If you'd like I'm happy to go into more detail. I've never actually met this guy, I don't know his name, I don't think I even said hi to him ever. We've made eye contact twice: once when I first saw him on the bus, and later as we were eating in the cafeteria. I have no idea what God has in store for me, and frankly I'm a bit scared. But I'm doing my best to trust Him. -- Ken |
Follow ups: